When Healing Keeps You Stuck

We live in a culture that worships the idea of healing.
Fixing.
Understanding.
Unpacking our past like a suitcase we didn’t pack but somehow have to organise.

We’re taught to believe that if we just understand why we feel this way—why we attract certain people, why we react, why we shut down—then we’ll be free.
If we can just trace the wound back to its root, we’ll finally be able to move forward. But what if that’s not true? What if the endless search for “why” is keeping us circling the same old ground?

Recently, while working with my mentor, a deep-seated belief surfaced—one I’ve carried for a long time. But I couldn’t trace it back. I couldn’t figure out why I held it. And in my usual way, I couldn't explain it. I tried to find the words.

RJ gently said, “Stop trying to communicate what’s going on.”

So we didn’t.
Instead, we went into breathwork.
We opened the doors to creating without needing to know.
Without needing to fix, label, or solve.

And wow.

The conversations I’ve had since—about what I’m here to do, about what I can hold, about who I am—have changed something deep in me.

There’s more space. More compassion. Not just for others, but for myself. That moment reminded me that sometimes the insight doesn’t come from thinking or explaining. It comes from the body.
From the breath.
From being willing to open without knowing..

Sometimes, healing becomes a delay tactic. A way to stay safe. To avoid showing up before we feel “ready,” “resolved,” or “worthy.” But worthiness is not the reward for suffering.
And healing is not a prerequisite for creating a life that feels good. There is a place beyond fixing.
A place where you get to live as a whole person—messy, complex, still figuring things out, and wildly capable of joy. A place where you lead yourself not from your wounds, but from your willingness.

You are not broken.
You never were.

And maybe the path forward isn’t to dig deeper into the pain…
But to loosen your grip on the idea that you need fixing at all.

I share these reflections as someone who is well supported.
I’m grateful to have a team around me—including a GP, a trauma psychologist, and a trauma-informed mentor—who hold space for the deeper work when it arises.
Please take what serves you from this piece, and always seek the kind of support that feels right and safe for you.

If this speaks to something stirring in you, I’d love to invite you to my upcoming masterclass:
The Golden Thread

This is a space to remember: you don’t have to prove, polish, or perfect anything.
You are already whole enough to begin.

We’ll explore how to create like a true leader—by listening inward, and letting each next step unfold naturally, like the Fibonacci sequence. No forcing. No fixing. Just presence.